


Harry's dilema

by Evie_12



Series: Eggvid chronicles [1]
Category: Bodyguard (TV 2018), Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Crack Fic, Harry Hart Lives, Harry Hart suffers, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, eggvid, merlahad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:07:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26686381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evie_12/pseuds/Evie_12
Summary: After a joint mission with David and Eggsy, Harry unfortunately hears some things he'd rather not have back at the hotel.
Relationships: David Budd/Gary "Eggsy" Unwin, Harry Hart | Galahad/Merlin
Series: Eggvid chronicles [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1944691
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37





	Harry's dilema

**Author's Note:**

> Well.

“Merlin, I thought you said these rooms were soundproof” Harry hissed out from where he was sat on the closed lid of the toilet in the en suite bathroom of his hotel room, Merlin didn’t say anything for a second before he replied, “they were advertised as so”. His voice sounded a bit tinny as the glasses speaker didn’t mix well with the acoustics in the bathroom apparently, he’d have to remind his husband to fix that.

Harry huffed before replying, “you need to leave a bloody awful review stating that the advertisement they put out is in fact utter bullshit”. He stood up, opened the bathroom door and stepped out into the main part of the bedroom just as Merlin started to speak again. “Why, what’s wrong... is- is someone being beaten or something?” Merlin sounded confused yet slightly horrified at the same time. 

“No. That is racket in fact Eggsy” The flatness of Harry’s voice didn’t do much to settle Merlin’s curiosity. 

“Eggsy? Is he alright?” Merlin asked

“Yes” Harry said calmly, “he’s getting fucked so I assume he’s more than alright”

The laughter that burst out of Merlin momentarily covered up the sound of Eggsy who currently sounded like he was in the seventh heaven and wanted everyone within a ten-mile radius to know it. 

“Well. At least we know David does not disappoint” Merlin continued to chuckle as his initial laughter eased away.

“Oh for fuck sake Merlin” Harry groaned

“Besides, how do you know that it’s Eggsy getting it up the arse and not David?” Merlin sniggered in his ear

“Because my bed is apparently on the same wall as theirs and I heard all about ‘how well he was taking it’, and ‘what a good boy’ he was during David’s very loud dirty talk”

“Ah”

The constant sound of skin slapping against skin seemed to be increasing in volume and had been for the past 10 minutes. Harry had just been drifting off when David’s voice had jolted him awake, at first he couldn’t make out what was being said but as the man’s voice grew in volume, so did Eggsy’s whimpering. 

He’d moved into the bathroom for some extra protection against the sounds of pleasure coming from both men after a particularly loud groan from his protege snapped him out of his shock induced frozen like state. He shot up and nearly went arse over tit trying to escape the noise. He then called Merlin to complain about it not 3 minutes later. 

“Christ the lad’s certainly vocal” Merlin stated with an edge of uncomfortableness as even through Harry’s glasses he could hear the noise loud and clear. Harry hummed his agreement and went back into the bathroom that, admittedly, wasn’t doing all that much to cut off the sounds of moaning anymore as Eggsy had only increased in volume and David had picked up the dirty talk again in between his own groans of pleasure. 

“Why on earth did you get us conjoined rooms Hamish?” Harry sighed as he sat back down on the toilet lid. He heard Merlin chuckle and start typing away on his computer, “I thought it’d be nice for you three to be able to come and go from each other’s rooms. Perhaps it’s better that it’s them you’re hearing rather than some unknown couple”

Harry almost laughed at the inaccuracy of that comment. “Darling I can assure you having the misfortune of hearing an unknown couple shagging instead of those two would be far more agreeable. As much as I like and respect David, I will never forgive him for fucking the life out of whom may as well be our adoptive son in the room attached to my own. I almost wish he’d gagged him”

“Oh for Christ sake Harry I don’t need that image of our boy in my head any more than you do” Merlin’s pretty much guaranteed eye roll was almost audible. Harry snorted and laughed like he was in pain, “I suppose Eggsy shouldn’t be referred to as our boy at this moment considering the debauchery he’s currently taking part in”

“It pains me to ask, but have they…finished yet…?” He truly did sound in agony

Harry stayed quiet and listened for a moment, just in time for a sobbed out ‘fuck’ from Eggsy to come through the walls and echo around the bathroom whilst the slapping of skin only seemed to gain speed. Again. He was vaguely impressed at their stamina and voiced those thoughts to Merlin who groaned in distaste. “Well it has been nearing 20 minutes since I was woken up by David promising to do filthy things young Galahad” Harry says just to increase Merlin’s suffering, he couldn’t be the only one who had to suffer after all.

As Arthur, he wasn’t even supposed to be out in the field. The only reason he’d only joined Galahad and Kay was because he had already made acquaintances with the man they were targeting at the gala they had left over 2 hours before. He sincerely hoped he was never put with the two ever again. At least not on something that required an overnight stay where a squeaky bed and paper-thin walls didn’t leave much to the imagination. 

“Far too much information there Harry”

Harry signed again and closed his eyes, resting his head on the wall. His husband was not helping all that much and he was beginning to question why he had even called him. 

“Can’t you just get me another room so I can sleep somewhere that doesn’t involve cold ceramic walls”

Merlin made a negative sound and told him that the hotel was full so he had to stay where he was.  
“Oh just fucking ping their glasses and yell at them to shut the fuck up before I go in there and do it myself!” Harry practically growled 

“You’d willingly walk into that room and see your son getting shagged within an inch of his life all so you can get your beauty sleep?”

“I’d cover my eyes I’m not a monster”

“Well I’d say you’re in luck, I think they may have stopped finally”

Harry cut himself short as he was about to reply and listened again. Silence.

“Merlin. Please ensure that either they never go another mission again together or that the next one is to a destination so horrific; they regret that they ever did this”.

“And here I thought you said they worked well as a team, Arthur” Harry could hear the smirk in his voice. He exited the bathroom and got back into bed, pulling the covers up to his chin. “I’m half tempted to ruin the proposal surprise David has planned for Eggsy next week” he grumbled quietly, obviously not wanting Eggsy to actually overhear him. He may despise their very beings right this moment but at the end of the day he still cared deeply for them both and was glad they were so happy together.

“How does a trip to the amazon rain forest during the rainy season sound? It’s coming up in a few weeks” Merlin said over the comms.

“Perfect”

**Author's Note:**

> Potentially a part two?


End file.
